Completely Non-Specific Holiday Greetings From Your Child's School
Definitely NOT Christmas-related
Happy Holidays!
It’s hard to believe that December is here at last. We know this is a busy time of year for many families, so we wanted to highlight some important events coming up at your child’s school.
Once again, our Mitten Tree is set up in the front lobby. Please place your donations of mittens, hats and scarves under this large, decorated evergreen tree topped with a star, which is not a Christmas tree — just so we’re clear.
Speaking of things that are definitely secular, our students will soon be bringing home their most recent class project. Each student wrote a short essay about how their family celebrates “the holidays,” using a worksheet we provided that is decorated with holly leaves, stars, and — is that an angel? No worries — we feel certain that this was a perfectly appropriate activity for all the students in our diverse school community, and not at all confusing or uncomfortable for anyone.
We know you’re all looking forward to our annual cookie swap next Wednesday. Your child has been asked to bring a dozen of your family's favorite holiday cookies, and to share the recipe as well. We can't wait to learn more about your family's festive traditions, which surely include baking cookies in December, no matter where you're from!
Also coming up soon are our beloved Holiday Dress-Up Days. No matter your family’s culture, tradition, or beliefs, please know that your child will be surrounded all week by people wearing elf ears, reindeer antlers, Santa hats, and so on. We’re confident that everyone will enjoy getting into the very general spirit of no particular holiday at all.
Finally, our completely secular holiday concert will be held in the elementary school auditorium next Friday. For no reason, your child is encouraged to wear red and/or green. Definitely not because of Christmas! Just a coincidence.
We wouldn’t want anyone to get the wrong idea when they see that several of our administrators will be dressed up as elves. The same goes for the red-and-white suit and large, white beard that Principal Thompson will be wearing. Just a little holiday cheer! But not any certain holiday. Just, you know, winter or whatever.
Our program will feature a festive holiday medley featuring five familiar Christmas songs, plus one song at the very end called “Lighting the Lights,” which you have never heard before and which could be interpreted to refer to either Hanukkah or Kwanzaa.
But don’t worry — we’ve also asked a few completely random students with no personal knowledge of either of those holidays to give stilted recitations of random facts about both of these holidays for approximately 20 seconds before we invite you to join us in singing “Jingle Bells” while Principal Thompson and his "elves" hand out candy canes.
As we head into the holiday break, which just coincidentally begins shortly before Christmas, we want to wish you and your families a very merry and bright, but completely non-specific, holiday season.
Just as a reminder, students will return to school on Thursday, Jan. 2, even though that's the last night of Hanukkah, because we simply don't care. Have a wonderful holiday, no matter what you celebrate!