Leaning into the things that spark awe

Deborah Farmer Kris and 'Raising Awe Seekers: How the Science of Wonder Helps Our Kids Thrive'

Deborah Farmer Kris is an educator, child development expert, author, and advisor for the PBS KIDS show, “Carl the Collector.” Her latest book, ‘Raising Awe Seekers: How the Science of Wonder Helps Our Kids Thrive,’ is out May 27 from Free Spirit Publishing. Deborah also writes a wonderful newsletter, “Raising Awe Seekers,” which I highly recommend! I talked to Deborah about awe, where we find it and why it matters.

Tell me a little bit about your book. Who is it for, and what do you hope they will take away from it?

This book is written for parents and caregivers, and I’m also hoping it hits an educator audience. As a 20-year veteran of the classroom, I feel like awe is such an important piece of learning.

This book came about because I had been asked by a school to give a parent talk on stress and resilience. It was in the fall of 2021, and I felt like I had given this talk too many times. I was resilienced out, and I wanted to be able to offer something new.

I was working on You Wonder All the Time and I randomly was doing a Google search and came upon a white paper from the Greater Good Science Center about the science of awe. I read it and got goosebumps and felt this feeling of hope. It seemed as a concept to touch upon so many things I’d been writing about as a parent educator — with emotion, with hope, with things that interested me. So I reached out to the lead researcher, Dacher Keltner, and ended up writing an article for Washington Post that got a lot of traction. I was approached by my editor, who said, You’ve written this piece about wonder, are you sure this isn’t the book I want to write? And at first I said No, that’s going to take too long, but I have to say, that was three years ago, and I am just as excited about this topic as I was then.

For the book, I’ve taken seven of the sources of awe for adults, and I look at these to say, what do we know about child development that matches that? This is a source of wonder and awe for adults, let’s dovetail and see where this takes us.

What I’m hoping is that people tap into their own sources of awe and look for ways to consciously, intentionally say, How do I infuse more of this into my personal life as a parent?

You explain in the book how awe is something we all experience at every stage of life. What was important to you about bringing this message to parents in particular?

When I found this idea that an emotion has research outcomes for supporting cognitive growth, civic engagement, emotional wellness, I felt, if we can be helping our kids early in life, it’s good for them, and it’s good for society.

Also, I think parenting is really, really tough, and I think parents are lonely, and I think that the demands on us are unreasonable, especially traditionally mothers. There are ways to tap into this source of goodness and strength that aren’t going to solve the systemic problems but are going to support us in our work. If I can get myself outside on an awe walk and be more in tune to nature, this is going to feed me and in turn feed my kids.

I know you’ve done so much research into the science of awe and the effect it actually has on us. What’s something you learned that surprised you, or that really stuck with you?

How they discovered these sources of awe was by asking people to record a time they felt tears spring to their eyes, or a moment that made you say ‘wow,’ or made your eyes get big. The most common source of awe was the goodness of other people. We seem really attuned to feeling awe when we see people feeling kind and brave.

So I find that profoundly hopeful, and I think about that a lot with my kids. I’m acutely aware of what they are seeing and hearing in the world around them. It’s very easy for adults to be cynical and kids to be despairing when you hear about people not being kind.

I talked to Jamil Zaki, who wrote “Hope for Cynics,” and he talks about social savoring. That’s when you encounter a good moment with a friend or a stranger, and pause to notice it. I try to take it one step further, and share it with my kids. If I have a good moment at the checkout aisle, I share that with them. This is how I’ve been using texting with my daughter, too. I’ll text her a story I come across that’s cute or sweet or hopeful.

And in looking for things like that, I become more aware of them. If I’m seeking out something to share with her, it becomes a habit-forming shift for me as well.

It’s not one more thing to do, it’s not learning to speak a new language as parents. It’s just being more intentional about noticing and communicating my values. I do care about nature and art and all of these things. Am I making time for them? Am I sharing these things with my kids? And am I paying attention to the things that matter to them?

Tell me something wonderful about your kids:

One of my kids has an introverted temperament and one of the great strengths of this is she’s observant. She sees things. She sees people, she sees beauty, she’s a noticer. And I just think that is such a strength. And it’s good for me because I move quickly and I think she slows me down and I love that.

I have another kid who is fascinated by just knowing. It can be taxing at times when he wants to talk about his theory of time travel and I want to say, go to bed, but he’s so excited about this idea or his new D&D character. He reminds me so much of my dad, who was just a collector of facts, and I feel like my kid is such a collector too. I just love that he’s still so excited about knowing. So much of my tasks as a parent is just to help him preserve that excitement.

You can find more about Deb and her writing at parenthood365.com and subscribe to her newsletter here: https://substack.com/@raisingaweseekers