What price sleep?
Parenting PR Pitches of Doom: A Series
This is the first in a series of pieces I’m calling “Parenting PR Pitches of Doom,” a peek into the modern realities of raising & educating kids in a world on fire. Enjoy!
As a writer, I often get PR pitches in my in-box. I bear these companies no ill will, but some of these pitches really make me despair for us as a society. This is one of them:
The pitch: Beat PPD for just $49.99
Sleep: both a precious resource and one of the biggest challenges for new parents… and being a new parent definitely has its challenges these days (studies show that rates of PPD among American mothers have risen nearly three-fold during the pandemic.)
[Redacted] is launching a Newborn Sleep Class in partnership with well-loved baby brand [redacted]. The course is for modern parents and it’s designed to be positive and uplifting and help new parents enjoy their newborn’s earliest days (and nights)!
The online, pre-recorded class is broken down into 10 easy-to-watch lessons that will delve into sleep topics to help parents through those first few months, including how to:
· Recognize sleepy cues
· Create and maintain a safe sleep environment
· Calm a fussy baby
· Resolve day and night confusion
· Transition to the crib with ease
· Optimize sleep using the [redacted product placement]
The class is FREE with the purchase of a [redacted], and can also be purchased separately for $49.99. Let me know what you think!
Cheers,
B.
Dear B.,
I am well out of the newborn years, but I do remember, with heart-stopping clarity, the absolute and abject desolation I felt when I would hear my baby wake up again after I had just put her back down to sleep. This is why your promise of ‘optimized sleep’ for just $49.99 makes me want to laugh, cry, and throw up a little bit.
Let me explain.
You see, your pitch strikes a note that’s all to familiar, not just to parents, but to anyone who’s even remotely online and is bombarded with content telling them they’re Doing X Wrong.
Parents of newborns instinctively believe that they are Doing Sleep Wrong, because babies, damn their adorable giant heads, are fucking terrible at sleeping. This makes us and them very very tired and very very vulnerable to people reminding us that we are Doing It Wrong. Because, surely, if we were Doing It Right, the baby would be sleeping?!?!?
But, you know, this isn’t how it works. The hardest lesson I had to accept as a new mom was that I could Do Sleep Right and my baby would still do whatever the fuck she wanted, because she’s a baby and you can’t actually make them do a damn thing.
One of the most dangerous things you can tell a new parent is that they need to keep trying to just Do It Right, and then everything will be fine
It would be so cool if 10 easy-to-watch lessons could make it so my baby would actually fall asleep when I wanted them to! But I am pretty skeptical that there is a foolproof way to optimize sleep in any meaningful way. And I think it is pretty grim to suggest to new parents, who are desperate for literally anything that could help them get more than 1 hour of sleep at a time, that just $49.99 will buy it for them.
I think one of the most dangerous things you can tell a new parent is that they need to keep trying to just Do It Right, and then everything will be fine. That you need only buy the right swaddle, the right white noise machine, the right pacifier, the right 10-minute lesson, and all your troubles will be behind you.
What might be more helpful would be to remind new parents that there are things out of our control. That sometimes babies just cry. That you might not be able to solve sleep issues, and will instead just have to endure them. That not everything can be optimized.
This has been the first installment in Parenting PR Pitches of Doom! If you see a PR pitch or a product that makes you want to lie down on the floor for a while, please send it my way!
Ads like that definitely contribute to PPD.
This is so good, Emily! And it persists thru parenting. I just wrote a post in my FB group this wk about how we parents tend to buy into the idea that, if only we so everything right, everything will go right - our kids won't get into trouble, won't make "bad" choices, wont use substances, etc., and that's simply not true. Your post is a great look at how early that starts and how some ppl and companies use parents' fear and desperation to make a profit.