I think Fiona and Ramona may have been switched at birth. I would like to trade in my Esprit bag for a guide on how to raise a satanist in black lipstick please.
Mother of a 12yo daughter over here... I felt this so much! I was a late bloomer, shy, and never super fashionable. My daughter is tall, developed, headstrong, and friggin' gorgeous. If we were the same age, I'd be totally intimidated by her. Hell, I'm her mother and I'm often totally intimidated by her.
She is also the child of a white mom and Black dad, neither of whom will ever completely understand what it's like to be caught between two racial identities and never entirely fit either one. She loves to tell me, "You just don't get it," and sometimes she's 100% right. But it's OK. We don't have to completely understand our children, as long as we try to mostly understand them, and we don't have to like them all the time. At this stage of the game, I'm mostly focused on muddling through.
Muddling through is the only way! I love what you said about how we don't have to completely understand our children - it's a lesson I keep re-learning. Mostly because my daughter reminded me SO MUCH of me when she was younger, and now it's like she's entering this whole new uncharted territory that I have no experience with! They are probably right that we "just don't get it" but we still love them fiercely ❤️
She loves being in middle school?!? My eyes popped on that one. B/c I may be 51 years old now but inside, I'm still scarred from my middle (& high) school years. Was definitely not on the IN and even now, it's inconceivable to me that someone could actually enjoy those years. (Which is kinda funny, now that I type it out, b/c my soon-to-graduate-high-school youngest son has actually been enjoying HS too.)
Was talking to a good friend of mine (who I met in the sixth grade!) recently and we both agreed that no amount of money could convince us to relive middle school! But I guess some people like it??
Ohhh this nails something that I had a lot with one of my sons when he was younger. Not so much the fashion choices (we are both very vanilla, clothes-wise) but he had (still does) this ENORMOUS facility for rubbing along with people and was just a super-popular kid. (I remember taking him for a walk past the school when he was off school with a virus, and his classmates literally ran up to the fence to say hello to him, like this huge cluster of 8 year olds all cheering and smiling - totally weird if you were a rather isolated kid like I was.) I didn't resent it, but it was absolutely fascinating to watch it unfold as his mum - and to see (from his perspective) that being super-popular brings its own burdens (he felt massively responsible for other people's feelings and responses to him ALL of the time). It is, as you say, such a constant revelation that our kids are... not the same as us!
WOW to have all those kids running up to him like that - wild! It's definitely more than just the clothes, and it's prompted me to think a lot about the weird, unpredictable, invisible nature of what makes kids "popular" in school. Some of it is obvious but some of it remains a mystery. There was a little girl in my daughter's nursery school that I remember looking at and thinking, "That girl is going to be popular in middle school." And I couldn't say why! But she just had **it**, whatever **it** is.
And yeah - the constant revelation that our kids are entirely different humans than ourselves. So alarming every single time!!
Ha, good prediction skills. One thing I’ve noticed about my son is that he has an incredible ability to brush off the small stuff - water-off-a-duck’s-back - while also having a totally innate sense of where his boundaries are, and if you cross one that (usually fairly politely) is the end of it. I think his confidence in his own judgement, and that he’s genuinely not bothered about getting other people’s approval for his opinions, was a big part of it. It is so interesting though!
I am so there with you. I was a clueless band dork in middle/high school and somehow my daughter is a gorgeous cheerleader who is WELL aware of trends. So weird.
I never realized how much middle school fashion could shape our identities. It's amazing how our experiences growing up can differ so much from our kids'. Parenting a tween is a whole new world! Excellent work, fantastic writing! 👏🏼🌟
I think Fiona and Ramona may have been switched at birth. I would like to trade in my Esprit bag for a guide on how to raise a satanist in black lipstick please.
Avoid bright light, don't get them wet, and never feed them after midnight
Mother of a 12yo daughter over here... I felt this so much! I was a late bloomer, shy, and never super fashionable. My daughter is tall, developed, headstrong, and friggin' gorgeous. If we were the same age, I'd be totally intimidated by her. Hell, I'm her mother and I'm often totally intimidated by her.
She is also the child of a white mom and Black dad, neither of whom will ever completely understand what it's like to be caught between two racial identities and never entirely fit either one. She loves to tell me, "You just don't get it," and sometimes she's 100% right. But it's OK. We don't have to completely understand our children, as long as we try to mostly understand them, and we don't have to like them all the time. At this stage of the game, I'm mostly focused on muddling through.
Muddling through is the only way! I love what you said about how we don't have to completely understand our children - it's a lesson I keep re-learning. Mostly because my daughter reminded me SO MUCH of me when she was younger, and now it's like she's entering this whole new uncharted territory that I have no experience with! They are probably right that we "just don't get it" but we still love them fiercely ❤️
She loves being in middle school?!? My eyes popped on that one. B/c I may be 51 years old now but inside, I'm still scarred from my middle (& high) school years. Was definitely not on the IN and even now, it's inconceivable to me that someone could actually enjoy those years. (Which is kinda funny, now that I type it out, b/c my soon-to-graduate-high-school youngest son has actually been enjoying HS too.)
Was talking to a good friend of mine (who I met in the sixth grade!) recently and we both agreed that no amount of money could convince us to relive middle school! But I guess some people like it??
I'm w you and your friend!
Ohhh this nails something that I had a lot with one of my sons when he was younger. Not so much the fashion choices (we are both very vanilla, clothes-wise) but he had (still does) this ENORMOUS facility for rubbing along with people and was just a super-popular kid. (I remember taking him for a walk past the school when he was off school with a virus, and his classmates literally ran up to the fence to say hello to him, like this huge cluster of 8 year olds all cheering and smiling - totally weird if you were a rather isolated kid like I was.) I didn't resent it, but it was absolutely fascinating to watch it unfold as his mum - and to see (from his perspective) that being super-popular brings its own burdens (he felt massively responsible for other people's feelings and responses to him ALL of the time). It is, as you say, such a constant revelation that our kids are... not the same as us!
WOW to have all those kids running up to him like that - wild! It's definitely more than just the clothes, and it's prompted me to think a lot about the weird, unpredictable, invisible nature of what makes kids "popular" in school. Some of it is obvious but some of it remains a mystery. There was a little girl in my daughter's nursery school that I remember looking at and thinking, "That girl is going to be popular in middle school." And I couldn't say why! But she just had **it**, whatever **it** is.
And yeah - the constant revelation that our kids are entirely different humans than ourselves. So alarming every single time!!
Ha, good prediction skills. One thing I’ve noticed about my son is that he has an incredible ability to brush off the small stuff - water-off-a-duck’s-back - while also having a totally innate sense of where his boundaries are, and if you cross one that (usually fairly politely) is the end of it. I think his confidence in his own judgement, and that he’s genuinely not bothered about getting other people’s approval for his opinions, was a big part of it. It is so interesting though!
I am so there with you. I was a clueless band dork in middle/high school and somehow my daughter is a gorgeous cheerleader who is WELL aware of trends. So weird.
I cannot imagine raising a gorgeous cheerleader -- so weird!! (And that may yet be in my future ... my 12yo definitely aspires to be exactly that)
My other kid is a dork like me, thank goodness. They always joke about how they are the two Taylors in the song, lol
OMG, that is adorable. Dorks unite!!
I never realized how much middle school fashion could shape our identities. It's amazing how our experiences growing up can differ so much from our kids'. Parenting a tween is a whole new world! Excellent work, fantastic writing! 👏🏼🌟
My girl is only 3 and cant get enough of Taylor! https://open.substack.com/pub/gregorypettys/p/for-my-daughter?r=f1gey&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web