When I was pregnant with both my boy and my girl, everyone told me how “girls are so much harder.” I think we just assume boys don’t require the same emotional support and that is obviously not true. Thanks for this research!
It's wild how comfortable people feel saying the most abjectly sexist things about BABIES AND LITTLE KIDS. I remember once when my daughter (age 3 or 4) was running around playing with a little boy about her age. They were being really loud and rowdy and having the time of their lives. A woman turned to me and said, "Aren't you glad you don't have a boy?" It was dumbfounding because my daughter was behaving in THE EXACT SAME WAY, yet all she could see was a little boy being loud and exuberant in his play. I was so stunned I'm sure I didn't even respond to her comment, but I wish I had.
I love this topic! I'm a therapist out of college counseling center and I'm humbled by how much I didn't understand about college boys. There's a lot that gives me hope for their generation.
So much to be hopeful about! But a lot will have to change first. I'm hopeful that the current culture of speaking more openly about mental health will benefit boys too - as well as the emphasis being put on social-emotional learning in K-12 education. It can't hurt, right??
For all the ways it could be critiqued for patriarchy, The Lord of the Rings has a lot of depth in male friendship and intimacy. It will be one of the stories I share with my boys.
Speaking of boys and "boy books," I just got my son a copy of Henry Huggins, which is about one of Ramona Quimby's neighbours. It's a series of books about him and his dog, Ribsy. I remember reading it when I was a kid, but the cybersphere seems to focus more on Ramona's adventures when it comes to Beverly Cleary's work. My son (6) and I are currently reading the third book from the Stink series. Stink is Judy Moody's little brother. Interesting kid who likes facts. In one of the books, he wants to enter a smelly shoe contest and tries to make his shoes as gross as possible. This is very age-appropriate (unfortunately) for that age range - ESPECIALLY BOYS!!!!! What I REALLY want to see, however, is a boy equivalent to Are You There God? Where are the books about boys on the verge of puberty?
Oh, I love Henry Huggins! For boy books that deal with puberty, try Then Again, Maybe I Won't by Judy Blume! It addresses a few different topics. I remember asking my mom a LOT of questions after reading it lol
Those early years with a boy feel so vulnerable - and I think I was aware in an intellectual sense of the divide, but it became so keenly felt as I was raising one, which of course opened up so much concern over how to navigate it all.... Glad I found this article!
I agree that it's nothing to be cavalier about - but it is an unavoidable reality that many if not all boys will encounter explicit images before they reach adulthood. It's important that parents are prepared to have the hard conversations about that.
A boy cannot consent to searching pornhub. It’s an unavoidable reality only until we apply common sense. This will be remembered as the age we normalized child abuse and minimized it in every possible way as “ unavoidable” or “ problematic” and not treated it like the 4 alarm fire it is.
I’m very worried about what the conversation looks like. Saying “this is for adults” or “ this isn’t real” ain’t it. Internet pornography is terrorism. It’s designed to invoke fear and hate, not morally neutral titillation. It’s an attack on boys’ self worth. Must break the girls hearts too.
Thank you Emily. It was great to talk with you about Boymom
Thank you Ruth! I really enjoyed our conversation and I appreciate your book so much.
When I was pregnant with both my boy and my girl, everyone told me how “girls are so much harder.” I think we just assume boys don’t require the same emotional support and that is obviously not true. Thanks for this research!
It's wild how comfortable people feel saying the most abjectly sexist things about BABIES AND LITTLE KIDS. I remember once when my daughter (age 3 or 4) was running around playing with a little boy about her age. They were being really loud and rowdy and having the time of their lives. A woman turned to me and said, "Aren't you glad you don't have a boy?" It was dumbfounding because my daughter was behaving in THE EXACT SAME WAY, yet all she could see was a little boy being loud and exuberant in his play. I was so stunned I'm sure I didn't even respond to her comment, but I wish I had.
Right? Regardless of whether it’s directed at a girl or boy it’s wild and kind of sexist
And it's so sad that people don't think that boys deserve the same kind of emotional labor that we put into raising girls
I love this topic! I'm a therapist out of college counseling center and I'm humbled by how much I didn't understand about college boys. There's a lot that gives me hope for their generation.
So much to be hopeful about! But a lot will have to change first. I'm hopeful that the current culture of speaking more openly about mental health will benefit boys too - as well as the emphasis being put on social-emotional learning in K-12 education. It can't hurt, right??
For all the ways it could be critiqued for patriarchy, The Lord of the Rings has a lot of depth in male friendship and intimacy. It will be one of the stories I share with my boys.
*can be critiqued
I have actually never read the Lord of the Rings, but that seems like a great example!
Speaking of boys and "boy books," I just got my son a copy of Henry Huggins, which is about one of Ramona Quimby's neighbours. It's a series of books about him and his dog, Ribsy. I remember reading it when I was a kid, but the cybersphere seems to focus more on Ramona's adventures when it comes to Beverly Cleary's work. My son (6) and I are currently reading the third book from the Stink series. Stink is Judy Moody's little brother. Interesting kid who likes facts. In one of the books, he wants to enter a smelly shoe contest and tries to make his shoes as gross as possible. This is very age-appropriate (unfortunately) for that age range - ESPECIALLY BOYS!!!!! What I REALLY want to see, however, is a boy equivalent to Are You There God? Where are the books about boys on the verge of puberty?
Oh, I love Henry Huggins! For boy books that deal with puberty, try Then Again, Maybe I Won't by Judy Blume! It addresses a few different topics. I remember asking my mom a LOT of questions after reading it lol
The Peter/Fudge books are pretty good too.
Those early years with a boy feel so vulnerable - and I think I was aware in an intellectual sense of the divide, but it became so keenly felt as I was raising one, which of course opened up so much concern over how to navigate it all.... Glad I found this article!
Look at the language in those porno homepages. The vibe, the ideas. So sad.
Why are people so cavalier about boys watching “porn” ? They’re being abused. That’s child abuse.
I agree that it's nothing to be cavalier about - but it is an unavoidable reality that many if not all boys will encounter explicit images before they reach adulthood. It's important that parents are prepared to have the hard conversations about that.
I scanned this book for that hard conversation and I couldn’t find it.
A boy cannot consent to searching pornhub. It’s an unavoidable reality only until we apply common sense. This will be remembered as the age we normalized child abuse and minimized it in every possible way as “ unavoidable” or “ problematic” and not treated it like the 4 alarm fire it is.
I’m very worried about what the conversation looks like. Saying “this is for adults” or “ this isn’t real” ain’t it. Internet pornography is terrorism. It’s designed to invoke fear and hate, not morally neutral titillation. It’s an attack on boys’ self worth. Must break the girls hearts too.